The last game in Milton Keynes. End of an era. Possibly the start of a new one too. The day on which all who were present to witness it saw the emergence of a new poker superstar, one who I confidently predict will win the WSOP by the time he is 56. No, not Way too tight. Nigel Phillips. In an unprecedented achievement that saw him instantly shortlisted for the Sheriff Fatman sponsored “You too can outdraw 17 people in a day” award, Nigel-the voice of poker-won all three tournaments at this home game. Congratulations Nigel. You want more? Oh, ok. Here we go then. The first game was I think notably for the quietness of BikerBill, who was either concentrating on his game or seriously ill and the re-emergence of a poker phenomenon known as “You too can steal Heidi Foster’s blind” which I have been unable to witness for a few months but clearly has stood the test of time. By the time we reached the final eight, Norwegian Frank having already given Sheriff the first of many charitable donations that day by battling blind on blind with the aforsesaid “lucky but it would be uncharitable not to say a modicum of talent” Buckingham fish. Frank raises, Sheriff re-raises and Frank calls behind. The both see a flop of an Ace and two spades Frank bets, Sheriff raises all in and after a nanosecond of thought, a long time in Norwegian Poker thought processes that, Frank calls with suited connecting spades. Sheriff turns over the bullets for top trips and when Frank receives no help he is off to the garden where he encounters a dog hardly able to walk but strangely supine. No change there then for Frank. Back to the final eight. Having made an early exit versus Ali when her JJ, J on the flop outdrew my AQ shockingly, I watched proceedings. Discretion prevents me from naming this player but one hand went as follows Raise from the cut off on Foster’s big blind. I know the cut off hadn’t looked at his cards because he told me he was going to do this pre final table and had winked at me who had folded. Imagine his shock when Foster calls. This really is an event, Heidi being a renowned poker author whose most famous titles include “ Folding your way to final tables” “ Laddering your way to success” And her magnum opus “Pass you know it makes sense, Volume 3: The End game” Anyway, I digress. We go to the flop, Foster checks, unknown player bets blind. In an event unprecedented move in Cheesey history Foster calls the flop bet. We go to a turn and Foster checks again. Player really has to keep firing and does so blind. Sanity is restored as Foster folds: The second nuts. On we go and here the wrecking ball known as Nigel begins to take centre stage knocking out Dave of surreal mobile phone conversation fame with K7 versus QQ in 4th, Heidi with 63 versus AQ in 3rd and after a tense and prolonged heads up battle he triumphed over Bryan Onto the second game. At first all is quiet and then the author of this text gets into a blind on blind battle not entirely unrelated to their respective egos with the Sheriff I think the betting went like this Me SB “Raise” subtext (My dick is bigger than yours) Him BB “Reraise” subtext (No it’s not, mine’s enormous) Me, having dwelt for a while trying to remove above image from my mind and having spotted the most enormous bluff tell (it’ll cost you to find it out, Sheriff don’t even ask) “All in” subtext (well even if yours is longer its girth that counts) And then the words no player wants to hear, a precursor to the usual Sheriff outdraw “I think I have got live cards, Call” The rest was history. Good old Nigel was chirping away for England when he began his recovery from 1000 chips remaining with the blinds at 800-1600. (A patient man our Nigel, determined to wait for a decent starting hand to play rather than going in with a gambling hand like Sheriff would do. Or Dazza. Or me. Or you) Four double ups later and he’s really back in the game when his 33 versus Sheriff’s Q10 trips up on the flop and then on the bubble his A10 beats Dave’s AQ on the river. At this point I feel another poker digression coming on. Poker Etiquette. Now look Nigel I now you are a relative newbie. We all know your game has come on a bundle. Please though, learn to win with class. It is simply unseemly to be seen cavorting round the garden dancing like your uncle at a wedding after outdrawing someone. I know you have a passing resemblance to Mike Matusow but please, do you have to behave like him too? I hope you accept this friendly advice in the manner it is given. With humility. Now I am sure everyone would agree it is quite a major achievement to have 85% of the chips in play 6 handed yet go out in 3rd? Yes? Thought so. Well done Sheriff Onto the heads up which rather surprisingly consisted of Dazza and, less surprisingly, Nigel. This was a good battle and the chip lead seesawed repeatedly until I felt Dazza rather got frustrated, at two separate points throwing the dealer button at Nigel in frustration having been set all in post flop. I’ll forgive him though. He’d learnt it from Nigel in the first place. Nigel was now 2 for 2 and no doubt thinking of how to spend his ill gotten gains. I think the choice is between another Pension plan or perhaps a Life Insurance policy. Perhaps he’ll let us know. Game three had a twist. By now down to ten players we abandoned tradition and played it in single table format. Actually two tables joined together with Liam and John A sitting in the crack. A familiar place for Liam to be found. Not sure about John A though. At this point things took a turn for the worse as tofu inspired odours wafted across the room. Dogs began to howl. Heidi looked guilty. Dazza was guiltier but began his exhilarating impression of the Unabomber to distract us. Next time Heidi, please keep it in. The performance of Buzz in the third game was bizarre. Fair enough to tilt having suffered a familiar Sheriff outdraw in game 2 he laid down the gauntlet early doors in game three by re-raising Sheriff’s 4x bb raise all in for 5000 points. Well played sir, it was worth it just to see the look of incredulity on Sheriff’s face. Needless to say Buzz soon exited in 10th and took over crack duties as dealer. At this point we come to the highlight of this month’s report. Bryan Way too tight. A big round of applause to him please everyone Raising UTG with 55 he found himself reraised all in by Sheriff. Not at all encouraged by the baying masses he called, and found himself up against JJ. Oh sweet joy! A 5 comes on the turn. Get in there! As we break to amalgamate onto a final table the sounds of three middle aged gentlemen celebrating can be heard, conga-ing round the garden. Sheriff left soon thereafter, wonder why. He had though managed to set Dazza onto major tilt by hiding his “2003 special commemorative edition Chris Moneymaker card protector” before he went. This completely threw Dazza off his game as he exited early on the final table, muttering to himself. Another digression. I had a look on ebay to see if anyone would have been so foolish as to offer their Chris Moneymaker card protector for sale. There are after all only 200 available worldwide. Imagine my shock when I saw I could have my choice of 199 on ebay at very acceptable prices. Dazza, you have one of a kind there…look after it now. The final tournament began to wend its way to a conclusion. Nigel left a trail of broken and battered bodies in his wake as he stormed towards victory, knocking out Heidi with AQ versus A8. Against Ali who had raised all in UTG with AQ he looked down in the BB and found AA. (The slowplay and the dwell was unforgiveable though Nigel, once more please behave better next time) He then knocked me out with 88 versus A9, 8 on the flop and we reached the money places and really the hand that summed up Nigel’s form and clinched his three for three: John A is a man you don’t really want to tangle with. Face like thunder even when in a light hearted mood, he raised with the bullets. Three handed. Nice hand sir. Nigel, sheepishly yet loudly, raises all in with 77 in the BB. John calls, as you would The flop QQ7 Now during these proceedings I am ensconsced on the other table trying to hit a double belly buster on the river in a 6 card Omaha high game and I must admit I feared the worst as John is to tilt what the Leaning tower of Pisa is to, um, leaning buildings. Full credit to him therefore for accepting the manner of his loss with grace and equinamity. Keep taking the pills sir! By now, it being way past Nigel’s bedtime and his usual bedtime story and cup of Horlicks, the Heads up between the Chatty one and the cocky Bryan one was mercifully brief, Nigel finding AK against a shortstacked Bryan and hitting both an A and a K on the flop. Well done Nigel, a feared opponent, a loud yet distracting presence who has learnt the art of speechplay to distract his opponents and uses it to full advantage. I blame the tournament director for allowing him to get away with it Thank you to Ali, see you in a new place next month.